Depression sucks. There are no nice words to say about it. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
I think I suffered with depression my whole life. But I wasn't diagnosed until my third child was born. Then they labeled it "post partum". But the more knowledge I have. The more I realize that depression has been a part of my life since I was very small.
I have always pondered so deeply. Bore the weight of the world, so to speak, so heavily. Sometimes it would feel like I was drowning. I would feel so desperate about everything it was paralyzing. I just didn't know THAT was depression.
Once diagnosed the medication helped, a lot. But after years of consuming something to dull the pain, it stopped working. The desperate feeling was swallowing me. It was affecting everything. I decided to get counseling.
This was almost 2 years ago now. The journey was VERY long, and hard and emotional. Not just for me, but for everyone around me. When I look back I can hardly believe that WAS me. I felt absent from my body. I felt so very alone. But I worked hard. I fought. I was determined to beat this very real thing that threatened to take over my life. Or worse...to take my life.
Daily thoughts of suicide consumed me. I planned everything. Then I would scream out to God to save me from myself...but I thought He wasn't listening. He was. He would give me little snippets of hope. Little glimmers to grasp onto and pull me back to reality.
I realized He was holding me in the palm of His hand. He cared more than I could imagine. But I needed a daily reminder. I wanted to be reassured. I did not want to get so desperate as to do something stupid. So I gave myself a reminder. A permanent one.
I had the words tattooed to my wrist... CHILD OF GOD. I AM a daughter of the King. He created me. He cares for me. Even if NO ONE else does. And EVERY time I see my tattoo I smile and feel that reassurance.
This is my story in a nutshell. A very tiny nutshell.
When I received a set of Hebrew stamps, it only made sense to create a less permanent symbol of my favorite tattoo. Maybe you need the reminder to know you belong to someone greater than you. Someone who cares when the rest of the world turns it back. YOUR life is too precious. Too sacred. Do you know that? Do you know whose you are?
Love your story and the new ring. Beautiful.
ReplyDelete~Kristin
that was both brave and beautiful. I am glad you have told your story and that you've given us a ring that hold such personal symbolism for you. I am so blessed to know you, and to have heard these words in conversation. I love you, sweet friend. Thank you for keeping it real, and pouring your heart out.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. I know its hard to push the publish button on a piece that is so intimate but believe me, you are an inspiration to someone who may not have moved through it yet. You are indeed a child of God. *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteLOVE THE TATTOO
:) Thanks for sharing... so many feel the same way but don't have the courage to share. I have been down in those depths...
ReplyDeleteI could not love this more.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I, too, need a tangible reminder.
And it may sound cheesy, but (for me) it's true. Depression is big. (Oh! So big.) God is bigger.
The ring is beautiful. The tattoo is ... comforting. But the phrase "Even if NO ONE else does" should never cross your lips or enter your mind - because I know of several people who do - and always will.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! I know that came from a deep place to post this entry. So kind of you to share something so personal and to also do so in jewelry form.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right, you're never alone as a child of God. :)
Thank you for sharing! I know this was probably a hard thing to share but it is encouraging! Beautiful ring!
ReplyDeleteThis is a VERY familiar story to me. You have put the pain and dispair of depression into a wonderful and uplifting blog. God Bless you and your journey.
ReplyDeleteBless you for sharing this, dear heart! I think your permanent cuff is the most meaningful piece of jewelry I've ever seen, a declaration of a truth we all must never forget. xoxo
ReplyDeleteWonderful of you to share your journey with us, Lisa. Thank you! God is faithful!
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI knew I should have waited to read this until later... but something drew me in. It made me tear up because this is the reality of what I've been experiencing. Thank you for putting the words out here.
ReplyDeleteLisa, you are one amazing woman~
ReplyDeleteI love your heart!!!
xoxoxo
I didn't know that was the story behind your tattoo. I'm glad I know the story behind your tattoo.
ReplyDeleteYou are far more brave than I am.
thank you thank you thank you for all your encouraging words. You have no idea what that means to me.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Always wondered about your tattoo, Lisa.... such a difficult thing to talk about, but I'm so glad you shared - I'm on max medication for the same thing, and dread the day it might stop working. You're a very brave & beautiful person, and I'm so glad your faith helped you through the tough times. And your ring is beautiful too. God Bless, Erika x
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxoxox!!!!
ReplyDeletePart 1: While I make it a priority to read your blog, I have also made it a priority to not be one of the voices who comments. Why? ... because I am VERY biased. I could always say something. I believe everything you write is worth reading. I believe everything you create - whether jewelry, a great meal, moments with our children, photos that will outlast my days on earth, or even a re-arranged living room - all have deep value and are worth appreciating because these things come from deep within YOU.
ReplyDeletePart 2: Everything you do, and everything you provide is connected to your soul. Not only is that a hallmark of an artist, it is who you are ... one who cannot express without pouring out a portion of their inner self. While this is potentially dangerous, it is also potentially freeing. Freedom is one of the hidden blessings of truly expressing your heart.
ReplyDeletePart 3: Having walked my "life journey" with you - the good, the not so good, and the ugly - I have been blessed to be your husband and life partner. I am very proud of you for enduring the journey self discovery, and even more proud of you for doing something with the wisdom gained from this experience. Keep doing well what you are already doing well. And I believe you know - you have been called to do FAR MORE than create beautiful jewelry to adorn already beautiful "children of God"! Today's blog-post is evidence of that. I believe in you! JTL (the husband who watches from the sidelines ... with a big smile)
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your journey Lisa - it will help all who read this~
ReplyDeleteWhat a poignant post. It rings true with me for various reasons and I appreciate your candor and sincerity.
ReplyDeleteLove this and love you even more now. :)
ReplyDeleteSue
Thank you for sharing this, Lisa. I have struggled with depression myself to varying degrees, and it's something that nobody really talks about much. Unless you've been there, you can't really understand. I think a lot of Christians have felt labeled and criticized by the religious community…feeling judged instead of supported and lifted up in prayer. I thank God for bringing me a husband who doesn’t condemn but who loves me, cries with me, and pray for me through those tough times. I thank God for bringing people into my life (either physically or online) who have struggled too. A great reminder that we’re not alone in all this.
ReplyDeleteYour tattoo is lovely; what a beautiful reminder of our hope and security.
As I lay in bed for yet another day...thank you for writing this. The comment from your husband makes me weep. I long to be loved on this earth like that. Even though I know in my head how much my Heavenly Father loves me, I still long...
ReplyDeleteI love your tattoo. I have beauty from ashes on my foot. Believing one day I will see the beauty.
Congratulations for having the strength to overcome and fight . . .We need you . . . xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteBeautiful story, beautiful tattoo, and such a beautiful ring. Thanks for sharing...and creating. :)
ReplyDeleteLisa, you are such an inspiration to so many with no voice. Your ring is Spectacular! Thank you so much for sharing.
ReplyDeleteJoyful is the person who finds wisdon,
the one who gains understanding. Proverbs 3:13
Love your Hubby's post too!
ox
Tammy :)
I think that is a beautiful reminder. I wish I was as brave as you to tattoo something on my body like that, but I am not. I will have to hope you make that ring available so that I too can be reminded in my darkest moments (and I definitely have them) that I am a Child of God.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing Lisa. It's comforting to know I'm not alone... xo
Oh Lisa...you are such a lovely person and now an even lovelier one. It takes a certain amount of courage to lay it out there and alongside that is the freedom from having declared imperfection. That is all of us, just in different forms.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your struggle, but rejoice in your knowledge that we are all Divine instruments. So many folks who deal with this will find encouragement just from reading your reality check. Bravo! xxoo
Lisa, thank you for gathering the courage to walk this path and to express it in your art and in your words.
ReplyDeleteSobbing at my computer. I know we talked about your tat in Nashville a few months ago. I have been contemplating a tattoo in the same place, a place were God showed his GRACE to me. A place where he spared my life when I was so desperate to take it. Your story and bravery to share has given me such strength today. Sending mad love and hugs your way friend!
ReplyDeleteBought the ring THEN read the story. Love it even more now! I'll think of strength when I wear it. Hope I got the right size;)
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. I hope that it inspires others who are suffering in silence.
ReplyDeleteYour story Lisa was so touching to me. It was like you were writing about me! I think you are so brave to have written this and though I have known and love the Lord for so many years, it has been a real struggle these last two years as my brain aneurysm scare and migraine attacks came into my life. I had attacks for months 80% of the time which left me little to no time to recoop before the onslaught of the next one ripped through my body. The pain led to severe depression and I began isolating myself, even from church, which if you knew me, is so not like me. I am now a proud owner of this ring and wear it on my thumb proudly. I was at church singing just last night and clicking it on the mic and it made me smile and think of beautiful Lisa.
ReplyDeleteWow, thank you for your openness and honesty in sharing your story. The only hope we have in this life is found in our Savior. I am so glad he kept His hand upon you during that rough period. Your tattoo is awesome! And I love the ring! I am enjoying getting to know you through your blog. :)
ReplyDeleteAmen. Thank you for sharing this part of you.
ReplyDeleteJust clicked over from your Etsy shop to see the story behind the ring...
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing it. I've been there at times. It's hard for me to really fully feel that I'm His child...that's why Eph. 1:3-6 is very meaningful to me, & why I love the phrase "accepted in the Beloved". Your husband's post is beautiful, too...
Blessings,
Ruby
Lisa, I sat maybe one chair over from you the very first session at Blissdom this year. I had no idea how much our journeys resembled each other. Although mine resulted from a series of devastating circumstances that knocked me off my tail I understand the darkness of depression. Even more I understand the battle to fight back and how intense it is. Now 4 years and 7 months later I look back and can't believe I have made it through.I am so much better the dawn is beginning to break and I know that sunshine will soon follow:)
ReplyDeletePart 2
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing. It is true as children of God we can comfort each other from what we learned through our own suffering.
Your Courage ROCKS!
Many Blessings,
Kasey
I just saw this ring in your store. Just had to follow the link to the post. Now I type with goosebumps!! Your story is so very similar to mine!!!!
ReplyDeleteGlory Be.
Oh my G-d. I am only just reading this and goodness. Wow. This is beautiful. So beautiful. Much love to you. And thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through your ring listing. First, I love your testimony on the listing! So wonderful how God is and that you're "promoting" Him! :)
ReplyDeleteSecond, this blog is so encouraging and strong. God knew who He picked when He picked you!
Thank you for sharing this. Love the ring, LOVE the story of hope. I am continually fascinated how God inspires His people.
ReplyDeleteI best express myself through writing and I love that you can express yourself through creating jewelry and others through painting. He is forever amazing me.
What is the scripture from Psalms that supports that?
ReplyDeleteI remember seeing it somewhere, but it talks of Children of God and
that they would write it on their wrists.
Do you remember, maybe?
Thank you, Lisa. Your story is very touching. He is an amazing God and we are ALL His children. Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteWhat an incredible story...good for you for realizing your worth and conquering this terrible disease. I have a lovely friend who seriously struggles with it.
ReplyDeleteLove your story and your tattoo. I experienced postpartum after each of my children and it wasnt until my third that I decided to actually pursue counseling. I am realizing that my whole life I have been experiencing anxiety (this is the form of my postpartum) and I am starting to understand how deep this goes. I had decided that, I too, wanted a I am a child of God tattoo and that is how I came across your story via Pinterest when I wanted to see if anyone else had it tattooed already. Thank you so much for sharing! It definitely is a journey realizing that I am truly a child of God.
ReplyDeleteLisa - I want to thank you for your amazing timing. I ordered your Child of God ring a couple weeks ago. It has been on my wish list for a couple years. I decided it was time to treat myself. Little did I know that the day it arrived I would be attending the funeral of one of my son's best friends. He took his own life. What a blessing to be able to wear my own Child of God ring that day. Thank you and God bless. Tracy
ReplyDeleteLisa, Reading your story brought tears down my face. Came here via Etsy post for the ring. Thank you for sharing. Linda
ReplyDeletelinda, thank you for reading and commenting - i just think my story needs to be shared. hopefully to benefit someone else. :) appreciate you.
DeleteThank you for sharing your story Lisa. I felt like you were telling my story too. My exact story. I turned my life over to the Hands of My Lord and Savior after realizing if I kept it in my hands, I would surely take my life as my brother 1 year ago this August. Some days I do wake up and feel so down I forget. So I really like your tattoo idea. I love tattoo's and have many, so I like it. Thanks again
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing Evelyn. I am designing a ring as well to really show the beauty in grace. Never forget how far He has brought you. Never forget you are loved. It's a journey. A journey to a better more complete you! :) xoxo
DeleteHow did you find the "child of God" in Hebrew for your tattoo? I am wanting to get child of God tattooed on me too but I do not know how to find the right lettering. It's so important for me to have the correct spelling in Hebrew. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteLisa - What a blessing to read your story...and to see the sovereignty of God through it. As others have said here, it is quite similar to my own story. In the middle of a severe episode of depression, I too decided to get a Hebrew tattoo as a reminder of God's faithfulness...even in the midst of crushing pain. Mine is the Hebrew name of God, "El Roi"..."The God Who Sees." (Here is the story: http://ajourneyfurtherin.blogspot.com/2012/12/el-roi.html ) Thank you for your openness and for allowing God's glory to shine through your life and your pain.
ReplyDelete