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29 November 2012

Ask Lisa - how are you REALLY doing? An honest answer.

Depression. Does it ever REALLY go away? You have been so supportive. So encouraging.

I get emails daily asking how I REALLY am, since everything seems FINE on the outside. By the way, FINE is an "F" word in my house. It's a cop out. An easy answer.

Honestly? I'm not FINE. But I'm doing well...truly.

DAILY. 
That's my word of choice.

It's a DAILY, every day make yourself get out of bed sort of thing.

Chemically, I've taking care of things. This is where I get to say, "drugs are good"...and necessary. My meds are working, and I feel more "even". Does that makes sense? I know longer feel like I'm living on the edge of the precipice with my feet dangling over the side. However...I can still SEE the cliff.

The mind is a crazy thing. Mentally I still fight the battle...DAILY.
I don't always feel "fine".

DAILY.

DAILY I tell myself to get out of bed in the morning. And then to be thankful for the new day. 
DAILY I look in the mirror and remind myself of how very blessed I am.
DAILY I go to the studio and force myself to find the creativity that lies within me. 
DAILY I sign into Facebook, I write blog posts, I post pictures, I write newsletters because it is what I do, and I'm so very grateful to be able to use my gifts this way.

But it IS a battle...DAILY.

Even though chemically my brain is functioning the way it should be, there are still those small voices in my head that want to drag me back into depths of the darkness. The voices that want me to live a life of fear and sorrow. The voices that don't want me to live an abundant life, a life bathed grace.

The voices don't say you are beautiful, you are wonderful, you are loved, you are REDEEMED. The voices say, "sinner, stupid, ugly, unworthy". But we all struggle with that a little don't we? Depression, or not.

So I choose...
DAILY. 

Depression is truly a war. But it is one that I choose to claim victory over.
Why? How? Because....

I AM redeemed.
I have a wonderful husband who loves me for who I am. 
I have four amazing children that I adore, (and they actually like me - BONUS)! 
I have friends who "get me".
I am privileged to use my creative gifts, and own a small business
I have a home with heat. 
A car that runs. 
Fuzzy boots and Starbucks in my cup.
I am blessed beyond belief.

To answer your questions, I am not FINE
But, I am choosing to be FANTASTIC....DAILY.


Love you, so very much...

If you ever want to chat...just drop me a note, the coffee is always on....

xxoxoxoxo
lisa



8 comments:

  1. Lisa, thank you so much for your honesty and candor with all of us. I am so thankful that you are in a better place, and that God has given you the weapons you need to fight this war. He is mighty indeed!

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  2. I feel you. Thank you for sharing this, from my heart. It is a daily battle. Till hopefully one day we realize that the "war" has ended long ago.

    My best and love,
    DESPINA

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  3. It is indeed a daily thing. You battle it well. You are well equipped and I am so glad that you are as you are, and that you choose to share your creative gifts and your daily struggles. Thank you!

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  4. Oh Lisa, you ARE beautiful and wonderful and loved and redeemed, and so much more! You're a mother, you're an incredibly talented artist, you're brave and strong beyond words. Sure you're a sinner, too. Who isn't? If we were all as pure as the driven snow, Christ's sacrifice would have been in vain. The part to remember is that He DID make the sacrifice, and that you are sorry for these sins and strive to do your best. That's all He wants from you- your best.

    Any time you start to doubt how amazing you are, just let us- your readers- know that you need a reminder! And, as Dory taught us in Finding Nemo, Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming!

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  5. Hi Lisa,

    I'm generally a lurker and usually read your blog in my email inbox everyday, but I just wanted to let you know I enjoyed this post and your honesty. :) I think most of us default to "fine" but none of us are ever really fine are we?

    <3 Miranda

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  6. i love your honesty. November is my toughest month. Hang in there with the DAILY fight. I'll be thinking about you. Your stuff is gorgeous. Thanks for sharing your God given gifts with us.

    Barb

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  7. I absolutely love this post, Lisa! SO much truth here. As a person who has always struggled with depression, I identify with so much of this. Love you and keeping you in prayer always.

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Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment! If you have an email attached to your comment I can connect with you!

Otherwise, feel free to email ME! hello@StudioJewel.com

xo, lisa