I was only 22

Where were you?

I was only 22.

Where were you when my crumpled body laid behind a closed lock door?

Where were you when I was told I was worthless?

Where were you when I was given details of escapades and affairs?

Where were you when I looked into the eyes of the man I married and didn't recognize him at all?

Where were you when I trembled every time I had to walk somewhere alone?

Where were you when I lay in bed screaming in anger and fear?

Where were you when I searched for jobs and insurance and attorneys to help me?

Where were you when I was too scared to tell anyone because I knew I would be shunned?

Where were you when the real story was just too hard to tell?

Where were you when the rejection was so intense that it hurt to breathe?

Where were you when I got let go from my job just because I was going through a divorce?

Where were you when I realized he took everything?

Where were you when I was applying for temp jobs just to make ends meet?

Where were you?

I was only 22.

This wasn't my choice.

It wasn't something I deserved.

It wasn't even something I brought on myself.

But you didn't even ask.

You assumed.

And then you went quiet.

I felt the rejection.

I felt the shame.

Sometimes I still feel it.

And it still hurts.

It made the rejection twofold.

First, from the man I thought I loved and married.

And then from those around me that I thought would be there.

I was only 22.

Saying, "it was only one year." "There were no children." "At least it didn't last long."

Is like saying a mother of one is less of a mother than a mother of four.

There is no difference. Pain is pain. Hurt is hurt. Rejection is rejection.

And even all these years later.

Even after being married for almost 20 years to my very best friend.

The pain finds a way of creeping in.

I think more from the second rejection than the first.

Where were you?

But...

I forgive you.

Maybe you didn't know what to say? 

Maybe you were too busy with your own lives. 

Maybe you thought it was my fault.

It doesn't matter.

I forgive you.

I grew a lot then. I grew up fast. I found Jesus. He became real. All was not lost.

And since then? Since then I've seen you reach out to others in similar circumstances.

I'm glad.

Jealous? 

Sometimes. 

But still grateful.

To those who may read this....here is my advice.

If someone you know is going through a divorce or painful marriage circumstances, please don't turn your back. Please don't pretend it isn't happening. Please don't ignore them. They need you. 

They need your strength. Your compassion. 

Extend a hand. Extend a smile. Extend a hug. 

Ask what you can do. Don't assume. 

Please. 

Why?

Because they need you. 

Because I was only 22.

all my love,

lisa