Saying goodbye to a furry friend

She looks at me with those big brown eyes. I love you mama.

She nuzzles her nose under my arm. Pet me mama.

She flips her scrawny body over as close to me as she can get. I just want to be near you mama. 

She is beginning to tremble more often now. A  pile of red hair hanging loosely over her skinny frame. Help me mama.

My furry baby is dying.

Her 6 year old body shutting down from kidney failure. Shedding weight. Growing lethargic. But her tail still wags. She loves her family.

But we can't help her.

My Maggie girl. Always "special". Not quite right. But so full of energy. The forever puppy.

Endlessly loyal.

Completely needy. 

A lover.

A companion.

A friend.

Chasing light beams into walls. The first to greet me at the door with a toy. Running by my side and never tiring. Finding any teeny tiny sunny spot and curling her body up "just so" to soak it in. And submissive. So very submissive.

Her sister doesn't know. How could she? Or does she? What do they know?

Maggie thinks of Selah as her mother. We brought her home at six weeks old. Selah, her real life sister, yet a couple litters apart, looks just like her mama. She immediately went to her and curled up underneath her. 

Sweet Selah. After the initial surprise and wonder at this little furry body, took to her and took her as her very own.

They are always together. Every second of every day. Even now...Selah seems more protective than usual, curling up around her watching her. This was yesterday...

Again...I ask. Does she know? Can she know?

I do know she is unprepared for what lies ahead. After 6 years of being side by side. Always touching. Always together. There will be a huge void in her life.

Selah. The alpha. In charge. Maggie her devoted friend. Letting her eat first, drink first....giving her the toy. But always so close by. Always touching.

This has been love. 

What will Selah do when she's gone? Will her heart break? Will she ever be the same?

I guess we know our pets won't live forever. But do we really know? They weave they're way into our lives, always giving, asking for so little in return. 

I know she's not my child...but yet. They spend every day with me in the studio. They exercise with me. They get puppy lattes at Starbucks with me. They know McDonald's means ice cream cones. They comfort me when I'm sad. They are my company. They are my companions. They are my friends.

As I sit and write this… She wiggles her head under my arm begging for attention. So much like normal. Yet so not. Her nose is warm and dry. Not cold wet and annoying as it should be.

I so wish you could talk Maggie girl. 

She does with her eyes. But it's still not enough. If I knew she was suffering and in pain today I would put her down tomorrow. She still seems to have so much life. So much happiness. And she still bring so much joy. I just don't want to be selfish

I love my furry girls with all my heart. And this is breaking mine.

I will make her as comfortable as I can...until I can't any longer. And then... then.... I can't even bear the thought. 

I love you Maggie girl....thank you for being my faithful friend.

love, 

mama

p.s. Just an update. We had to put down our beloved Maggie on Thanksgiving Day.  She fought such a good fight. And she is truly missed. She died in my arms surrounded by all of us who loved her best. Thank you so much for all your kind words. I am grateful.